Day 20 -- fear

Each night I have a fear shared by other people with Type 1.
I am scared I won't wake up.
The idea that my bloodsugar will drop in the night, I won't wake up and feel it, and I'll die. This is not an irrational fear.
I have safeguards in place. I make sure my bg is a little higher at bedtime, I ensure I have slow burn carbs in my system, use Dexcom, and pray.
I've woken up so low and out of it before I was drenched in sweat, my sheets were soaked and I couldn't speak. I had one instance of that happening and I couldn't make body work to move to wake my husband. I found my voice and croaked out for help. thank God he heard me and woke up. He treated my low and I can't be more appreciative of a spouse who takes on the role of caretaker when I am unable to do for myself.
Another time I woke up in the same scenario but he was out of town. I keep low snacks in bed when he's gone, so I was able to ingest sugar.
My other associated fear is dying at night while my husband is out of town, and my girls wake up and I am gone. The reality of this awful chronic condition is that my children have had to learn skills other kids don't. I've had to teach  my children to call 911 if mommy won't wake up (which kids ought to know in my humble opinion) but also that they need to find mommy's meter and test me, and if I am low, force jelly in my mouth. They've helped me before when I was low but have never gone so low that I've passed out and needed rescue assistance.
I don't want diabetes to kill me. High blood sugar is the slow killer while low blood sugar is that super fast killer. I can go from fine to coma in a very short time span.
Onwards to another day of this balancing act.