Birthday, done right.

I was naughty today. This was my birthday redo. I have a new bank card and replacement driving license on the way, thanks to my klutzy self. Mr K treated me to dinner at our local barbecue joint where we both savored brisket and some amazing sides. We followed up dinner with a stop at the local grocery store. They had one dollar/ounce bottles. I grabbed a caffeine free diet soda and have had my allotted drinks. Now I am sitting, surfing the web, and trying to find healthy lunch ideas to help my sweet husband have interesting meals instead of the same boring few.
 My best birthday gift was a hand drawn card from my Berry Girl. That amazing girl just melts my heart. The next best was Mr. K willingly taking me out for a meal even though he would rather have stayed home to rest, as he is sick.
 Tonight, it is Friday and I am happily home in bed by 9pm, with my best friend at my side.  This is the best type of Friday night in the winter. In more temperate weather, we plan to be outside at the fire pit or even sitting at a campfire.
 Keep in mind, I am an atypical person. I was never into partying or large crowds, ever. I didn't party in high school or college, I didn't go clubbing in my twenties, or whatever the heck it is called today. I stayed home to read and do family stuff and work on my hobbies- from the time I was a small child until now. This sort of evening has always been my ideal. For those with a more outgoing lifestyle and personality, this might not work so well. :-)

Sick birthday for one.

Today is my birthday. Yesterday I went from feeling wonderful with a little "off feeling" in my sinuses. By bedtime last night I was full blown sick with a fever, sinus gunk, and a massive headache.
I took medicine and slept in super late today. Via text and social media, all my friends and family have wished me a happy birthday, and despite physically not feeling well, my spirits are great. Berry and Bear are being well behaved, which helps. I have medicine on board. This evening, the mister will be taking me out for a nice dinner. My plan is to go looking for hiking supplies and then buy a cake so the kids can enjoy something fun.
 I have an Amazon wish list a mile long but the only reasonable thing I want is for someone else to get my van washed. She is carrying around a few pounds of road dust.
  My Mr K brought me fresh coffee in bed and left a fresh pot ready to go for me when I woke up. He is the best.

Vehicular nonsense

I have been lucky that no minivan-killing deer have visited me lately. I'm still driving Cara, my plain jane white Dodge. After having an unknown number of cross country trips in the beast, I am loving some things about her and really disliking others.
Loves:
-she has a dvd player and headphones built-in. Best convenience feature on long road trips when my kids are not yet reading and keep dropping toys. They could have the headphones in their laps and hear a movie without parental intervention. gave them an easy segue into sleeping.
-she had stow-n-go seats so the under the floor storage is where I can keep a first aid kit, jumper cables, a tool kit, and even winter gear as needed.
-she has a roof rack with which we use to strap our soft top cargo carrier down
-she has dual climate control settings in the front row and ability to lock out or allow rear climate control
-many other things I am not getting into today
-we have a 6 cylinder engine and has the power to get up and go as needed
-we have enough cargo room when the back rows of seats are stowed away to haul stuff like a full sized sofa, plywood sheets, mattresses, pea gravel, play sand, concrete mix and various DIY implements. This makes her a beast.
-we installed a tow hitch so we can pull a trailer
Dislikes:
-the cloth seats are not stain resistant
-she is white and shows every speck of dirt we pick up on gravel roads
-she is a brick on wheels and gets low gas mileage
-she is a brick on wheels with front wheel drive and has trouble getting up slick inclines

Overall, my Cara is a fine mommy van.
My realistic dream vehicle for around town and grocery trips is a Subaru Forrester. Four wheel drive, a decent cargo area for groceries, seats five, and just a smaller footprint

My fantasy dream vehicle seats 5; is a hybrid to increase gas mileage; has a roof rack; has an engine-charged generator system so I can plug in a crock pot, a laptop, or tablets as needed; has an entertainment system; has lots of easy to clean storage cubbies; has stow n go seating; basically has everything for convenience and making road trips and in town trips more pleasant.

What it takes to go through with it.

My mental obsession is now hiking. I have only done short day walks, not even hikes, with my husband and daughters. The few things I have found online from the POV of female backpackers living with T1D makes me even more determined to do this as a family.

I so very badly wish to not have to google the medical needs part of hiking. Having to learn that I need to be wary and see how hiking, backpacking, and being that active affect my glucose levels is a pain. I can't just research the items I need to carry, how to build up to the activity with training walks and exercises to improve my stamina. I also have to look into how to adjust my pump settings, which foods may or may not work to sustain a healthy level, ways to keep my pump and extra insulin cool enough on warm days, which foods and types of carbs to avoid to give me sugar spikes and hypos.The sheer amount of calculations and constant vigilance is a lot to absorb.
But it feels like it will be worth it.
Part of going forward with a healthier life means being responsible. Responsibility for my health has been sorely lacking for the last decade and a half.
Doing what it takes to be healthy, active, in control, and living a happier life is worth it.
Since the new year began, I have cut most caffeine out of my daily life. I drink more tea than coffee now. It's improved my sleep patterns drastically, made me less grumpy and irritable, and I feel more rested.
My rested self can focus on tasks more easily. I am able to concentrate, I had the abstract understanding that sleep factored into everything but feeling the changes really drove home the knowledge.

Experiencing positive results firsthand gives me a boost to my confidence that I can do this.
It's bittersweet because I gave up on my dreams of being a park ranger due to my intense fear of failure. I won't dwell on the past but I WILL change my future.

Feeling inspired

I don't make resolutions each new year. I make up in my mind a hopeful goal to be healthier but never actually make a solid resolution.
This year I just went with it. I want to be healthy. After spending half my life with bad A1c numbers (the only time they were ever near normal was during my pregnancies), suffering from some of  the foretold complications, and just feeling overwhelmed with this juggling act and failing, I am DONE.
I am feeling more confident in my abilities to manage my diabetes and integrating the needed changes into my daily life. I have dreams and a conscious desire for a career. I cannot do that if I am slowly killing myself with complications.
This year, I am going to actively strive for control. I will force myself to get my lazy self up and test my blood. I will use that hunk of plastic I call Violet in the manner intended. I may even *gasp* try the CGM again.
This year I want to get things done. I want to be the mom my girls deserve. I want to be the active supportive wife my husband deserves. I want to be a healthy person so my family does not worry over me.
To achieve these wants, I need organization and self discipline.

Each time I leave my house, I need to carry my supplies, and with it being wintertime, I can't just leave a set of supplies in my van. That whole sub-freezing temperatures thing makes a popsicle out of a vial of insulin. Frozen insulin = no insulin. This means I need to conscientiously pack a purse. This thing needs to have a source of glucose, extra insulin, syringes, replacement sites, my meter kit, along with other paraphernalia needed as a mom. I dislike purses, as I can never find one I like that is functional.  Anyone who has ever met me in person knows I am not a girly girl. Hell, I'm in my thirties and just now am accepting of pink colored things.  The lack of my  girliness means I don't go purse shopping just for the fun of it. I don't have a plethora of choices. I'm more of a solid color canvas tote type of girl. This means I have to find a new purse for my diabetic needs. Joy!
Once I get used to carrying everything in a purse again and being a good 'betic and actually testing regularly (rather than as an afterthought when I wake up feeling hungover despite not having alcohol in forever and finding my meter greeting me with actual words rather than a number) it will be easier to lug around a bag. I prefer my phone in one back pocket, my cash or card in another, and my keys at my hip. That doesn't work well with being prepared for an emergency, so a purse or bag it is.
If anyone actually reads this thing, do you use a bag or purse to carry your diabetes accouterments?

A new hobby?

I get something from my mom, and I love it.
As a child, I noticed my mom would get on "kicks" as I call them. She would find a hobby and go at it full force for a while, then taper off, keep the supplies for the hobby, and move on to another one. She had a cycle of them and every few months would move on.
I am the same way. I have my hobbies. I love: to read; being outdoors in nicer weather (not below freezing nor above ninety degrees Fahrenheit); gardening and seeing things I plant and nurture grow to produce fruit or flowers, even though my thumb is in the tan shades rather than a vibrant green; crafting; building with Legos; jigsaw puzzles; and exploring.
My newest fancies are day hiking, camping, and exploring the local state parks. When something new piques my interest, it's time to learn about it. I read voraciously, ask people for personal experiences, look up "hacks/tips" and I prepare myself for following through.
Some things don't pan out but others are wins. I'm praying for peace and guidance on family camping.

Spring Camping!

Since my impending educational leap is set to begin this autumn, I have a goal for the spring.
I wish to go camping.
My idea is as follows:
1. camp in back yard for a trial run and all that entails.
2. build a campfire in backyard as trial run for fire, cooking over a fire, and reinforcing safety rules about fire for the girls.
3. make a list of  items we may need to build or buy for real camping
4. take the plunge and go camping for real, deciding on
        A. pack our stuff and hike to a campsite
    or
        B. hike around the chosen area then set up camp by our van, as              the campsites are road accessible?
5. fine tune the things we didn't like or that didn't work well for us.


Pinterest, that diabolical time suck of inspirational ideas, has given me an enormous supply of camping educational tips/hacks/must-do/must-have/never-evers.

If anyone ever actually read the blog, this is where I would ask for the readers' favorite things and most hated things about camping.
Instead, I am pinning like a madwoman and reading and researching. Why not do it now, when I can make lists and plans and slowly gather items over time rather than wait. If I waited til the spring to research i will find out it costs more than I expect, all my ideas cost more in time or money than I expect, it seems. Ha.

Family time.

The girls and I are going to follow my sweet husband to work out-of-town this week. We leave in about 7 hours.  Everyone else is sleeping. I, however, am wide awake.
My goal for this trip is to be with my daughters and have quality one on two time with them for the few days we are away.
There is a hotel pool but am hoping the allure of a whirpool tub is more to their liking. I'm intimidated by having two kids who are not strong swimmers alone in a pool.

This year I am going back to school. I plan to attend a pre-nursing program at the local community college. It's a start for my career, which I have finally settled on after going through and getting a BA in a completely different field. This feels right.
Berry girl will be starting Kindergarten in the fall and Baby Bear will be going to preschool. Mommy will be starting as well, hopefully once all the financial things are taken care of.

I am working very hard to control my diabetes. Due to changes with my chosen insulin pump's company, My plan is to switch to a new pump. I tried out the omni pod and it just is not for me.

Animal count is as follows:
 2 dogs, 3 cats, and 4 hens.
 All but one hen has stopped laying for the winter, despite there being an artificial light source. That's alright. The coop is built but I think it could use some more fine tuning this spring, when we have some warm weather to work with. They need a permanent run to go with the coop. For now they free range and that is how I lost one of my white hens and we only have 4 now. She never came home and I am certain she became a meal for a hawk. It's been so long since I've posted here that I cannot recall if I've mentioned the kittens. I found a family with some barn kittens and picked out two of them. They were supposed to be males named Leonard and Sheldon but we were wrong and they are females and are actually Penny and Bernadette. They will be spayed next month, so yay for not having a pack of feral cats sprout from our garage. Responsible barn cat ownership for the win. I promised Mr K these kittens would be outdoor animals and they are (now) but because we had to have them separated from Scooter until they were old enough to defend themselves in case he attacked them, they lived inside for a few months. Penny is the larger of the two, she is a grey tabby who loves to cuddle, play and step on my keyboard. Bernie is smaller, and a tuxedo coated gal who is a ferocious hunter. She bagged a small wild rabbit when she was a few months old. It was bigger than her. Granted, I think the poor hare had a heart attack and was not actually killed by the then tiny kitten, but last week, she caught a squirrel that was her size, not including its tail. I know she actually caught and killed it due to walking into the garage at the moment when said nutty bandit was struggling against her hold on its neck in futility. Some may think me cruel to have let it happen but we got both kittens to help control the rodent population. We live in the middle of a stretch of forest surrounded by farmland. Critters abound and we prefer them not to live the high life within our domicile. Enter the kittens. Barn cats are awesome.
This spring, my goal is to make time to do more yoga. I like what little I have tried on my own.
Hoping to sleep soon. I've finally fogured out the cause for the insomnia-like wakefulness. I had two sips of coffee at 5pm. Apparently caffiene does affect me. I've cut out caffeine after 2pm in an effort to have a more regulr sleep pattern. It works. Most nights I am out by midnight. Tonight, though, I can feel the sluggish alertness that comes from coffee ingested late int he afternoon. If I didn't love the ritual of drinking coffee so much, I'd cut it out of my routine for good. I've replaced coffee with herbal teas and man do they help.