Ponderings

Today has been an amazingly quiet day- we stayed home and hung out together. I'm feeling more confident and scared and hesitant and excited to begin my education in the nursing field.
 Khan academy has been a Godsend for getting my toes wet in the anatomy and physiology field but is so not on the same level as actually taking a course with a professor. There's an issue with my taking the online courses, and that issue is time with my children. I can closet myself away in my bedroom and try to watch the videos, but as soon as I press play, it never fails that one or both girls wants or needs my attention. It got so bad that I stopped doing the courses. This highlights my personal need to continue my education in a more structured environment.

I'm still super excited for this next phase of my life. My dream is to go to classes, do my assignments and studying while on campus and after the girls are in bed. After I get the girls from school, the idea is to get Berry's homework done when needed, work on Baby Bear's lessons for the day, and play. Dinner gets cooked, eaten, and cleaned up. Post dinner will be bath, books, brushing, and bed.
That is the plan. The reality will doubtlessly be much less smoothly running.

It still blows my mind that my Baby Bear is going to be in preschool this fall and my firstborn is starting kindergarten. My five year goal is to have my loans paid off, and money in savings to pay for school related expenses for the girls. This is terrifying and exciting. 

I cannot possibly be the only married mom who has an unused bachelor's degree. I'm also certain it's not unique that I have a degree because I felt expected to attend college after high school, even though I was aimless and had no clue what I wanted in life, and by the time I was feeling even an inkling towards a career goal, felt trapped in my degree path.

No more! No more negative nancy for a boyfriend who degraded my ideas for careers, no more listening to the negativity and self doubts. I KNOW I am intelligent enough to retain information, that I am strong enough to balance a family and an education and my health. I can do this. I have the support of my family, and I am doing this.