I went to my endo and had my a1c test, it was very very high, literally double what it ought to be. I was not happy that despite my meager efforts I had gotten worse since A was born. I got into gear, began checking again and decided to give minimed, and their carelink system a second shot as well as getting back on the CGMS. I spoke with my endo's office today and learned that a test was done incorrectly and they needed to re-run it with a fresh sample. Getting more details from the nurse I learned that it looked as though I had developed a new complication from uncontrolled diabetes, as there was significant protein detected in my urine.
Later this morning I go give a new sample for a slightly different test to see if I need to go on a new medication the rest of my life. Naturally I went through lots of feeling from shock, anger, fear, despair, and now am just anxious. This is not a 100% guarantee that the new test will show I need a medication but I am so very scared I will.
If anyone is reading this as a newly diagnosed diabetic, here is a glimpse into your future if you choose my path, and don't follow doctor's instructions to watch your diet, take your medicines, and CHECK YOUR BLOOD! This is happening because I let taking care of everyone and everything be above me and letting the testing and the daily maintenance of diabetes slide to last in my priorities.
This is a pathetically needed scare to get me on track. My first motivation after nine years with Type 1 was learning I was carrying my daughter. This time I want to be in control because of me and my life, not just because another life depended on me.
So, here I sit in the wee morning hours, unable to sleep. My mind won't slow down. I'm scared, anxious, and upset. Hell I halfway believe I don;t deserve to feel so bothered by the inevitable complication because I went so long letting it all go by the wayside.
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